Ep 193 - Developing a Self-directed Mindset


Marley and Akilah talk about some of the ways that the skills that come with self-directedness are translatable in our current context of being at home, as we figure out how to pivot away from scholishness. Marley talks about some of the experiences and differences that she had with friends that have been raised with a conventional schooling mindset in comparison to her unschooling peers. 


Emotional skills management

Marley shares what she perceived as a lack of emotional skills management that schoolish people tend to have, the difficulties in communicating emotions, expressing their needs and taking action on those needs. If people come from a place where they have the tools to communicate their emotions, identify boundaries and develop emotional skills management, they’ll be able to nurture healthy and trustworthy relationships with others and themselves.

The skills that are honed in a self-directed practice show up quite usefully in moments of conflict. It’s key to be able to think beyond the reaction and be able to ask questions, and move away from the schoolish mindset of punishing the reaction instead of exploring the cause.

Efficiency vs Long-term relationships

Akilah talks about cooperative leadership, the importance of focusing more on the people that are involved in the processes rather than just thinking about the efficiency factor. They chat about how in SDE you can find ways to have efficiency from a human approach in a long term process. Unschooling needs to be seen not only from an educational framework, but also in how we want things to be developed in our own lives.

Marley also talks about her experience on how to be financially responsible and how she still struggles with the fear of not being capable of managing her money: Schoolishness shows up when you are not equipped with the skills that you need to act upon it, by being really hard on yourself.

Think, Ask and Listen

They conclude that self-directedness is developed over time, and is a mindset that is applicable to everyone, though it can look vastly different for each person. A consistent deschooling practice will give you the tools to develop a connection with your emotions, needs, and boundaries, and those of others.

Complete and Continue