AUDIO - Raising Free People (2019)

12 NOTEWORTHY TAKEAWAYS FROM SESSION ONE:

1. Your morning needs, mood, and rituals might be different than your child's. Consider that an opportunity to develop agreements instead of defaulting to (your) dominance.
2. Communicate to have a conversation, not to prove your point.
3. Resistance is the roadmap. Use your child's pushback to question your stance. What are the unmet needs, and how can you learn more about those?
4. Parents don't need to solve all their children's issues. Give them space for their own ideas to develop.
5. There is no equality in adult-child relationships, but there can be equity and friendship.
6. Remove any assumptions that your child or your parent should know how you feel; express yourself.
7. A parent's "why" doesn't mean a child should comply.
8. Parents aren't always wrong. Neither are children. Try to approach conflict with curiosity, instead of certainty that there's a right/wrong way to approach the solution.
9. Hierarchy exists in parent/child dynamics. Don't try to erase that. Instead, prioritize agency, which does not always dismiss or disregard hierarchy.
10. Children can and do develop trust and understanding in their parents' experience and responsibility.
11. Determine what respect means to each individual, and work on communicating from that understanding.
12. Figuring shit out together is a perfectly valid structure.

12 NOTEWORTHY TAKEAWAYS FROM SESSION TWO:

1. When a child trusts themselves, it allows them to constantly develop their discernment skills. Try not to get in the way of self-trust development with well-meaning control tactics.
2. Work toward developing a shared understanding of how each member of your household defines trust, equity, and boundaries.
3. Boundaries may feel uncomfortable when set by a child for a parent, but they still need to be respected. Communicate your concerns about the boundaries, but honor them anyway.
4. There will always be exceptions; don't let those exceptions give you permission to disrespect, encroach on boundaries, or employ other tools of oppression.
5. Answering questions doesn't define intelligence or competence; let your children know when you don't know something. Say "I don't know."
6. Become a better observer. Make less assumptions. Ponder your way toward partnership.
7. Pivot instead of reacting without thinking. Respond with questions to learn more, rather than reinforcing your point of view.
8. Remember that a child is a complete being. Still developing cognitively (like adults), and should be regarded as a thinking, feeling human being.
9. Partnership can start as early as infancy and toddlerhood. Phrases like "that's nothing to cry over," for example, are early ways of undermining children's needs and feelings.
10. Just listen. Don't try to fix things so often. Let children be heard without having to defend or perfect their point of view.
11. Pay attention to the lens of Right Now, instead of trying to parent past who your child is now, in favor of how you hope they turn out.
12. Rigidity of rules is the opposite of helping children cultivate confident autonomy.